


Curses and Dreams

by Shinobimoon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Breathplay, Childhood Friends, Close to Canon, Dom Kakashi, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Graphic Sex, Loss of Virginity, One Night Stand, Rough Sex, Self-Insert, Sexual Content, Smut, Spite sex with Maito Gai at one point, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Time Skips, friends to lovers to exes and back to lovers, major Kakashi backstory spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27165667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinobimoon/pseuds/Shinobimoon
Summary: ****Author’s Note*****I updated the title from “Kakashi’s Curse” to “Curses and Dreams,” since the theme of dreams runs so heavily throughout.——You and Kakashi Hatake have been friends since you were born. You were there for him through all of the tragedy, and the two of you loved each other for years before admitting it. You finally got together as teenagers, but everything changed when his sensei died. He cut himself off from you and everyone and left, while you decided to move on. You lost touch for years before your mutual connection to Naruto Uzumaki brought you back into each other’s lives. Can you convince the man that you’ve loved all these years that it’s worth a chance? Or is he too damaged to love you?
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Reader, Hatake Kakashi/Reader, Maito Gai | Might Guy/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 157





	1. Childhood Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I am not sure how long this will be! I’m kind of writing as I go. This is my first ever fanfic so I welcome constructive criticism. I’ve just had this idea for this story running around in my head for a while.
> 
> Also! I know everyone has their own interpretations of Kakashi’s personality, and this is my take on his canon personality in the manga/show. I feel like people often make him a lot meaner than he really is! He’s a damaged sadboy that uses his aloof attitude to mask it, in my humble opinion. 
> 
> This story is very close to canon, timeline-wise. I only made minor editorial choices on specific ages because some of it is really hard to confirm. So, spoiler alert on all of it.

You’ve known Kakashi basically since the day you were born. Your parents were neighbors and friends with his parents before either of you were born, and you lived in the house next to his all your life. There were a lot of kids in Konoha, and you and Kakashi spent many days running around the village with other kids when you were very young, only coming home for dinner. Your families were very close, and you were there for him when his dad died when you were six. You stood in front with him and held his hand at the funeral, silently comforting your best friend the only way you knew how at such a young age. 

Your parents had always adored Kakashi, but after Sukemo passed, they made more of an effort to take care of him. They invited him over for dinner often, and left gifts and necessities at his apartment door for the first few years. They once invited him to move in to your house, but he politely declined. Kakashi was already a Genin when his dad died, and a Chunin not long after that, so he insisted on living on his own after he was orphaned. As far as Konaha was concerned, if he could work as a shinobi, he could take care of himself as an adult. 

Kakashi was very close with his sensei, Minato, and his wife, Kushina. Because of your friendship, you were also close with Minato and Kushina, but Kushina especially. She was funny, and liked to play games and tend to her garden when Minato was on missions. You’d help her in the garden sometimes, chatting her ear off about your best friend Kakashi and how good of a shinobi he already was. You’d try to slyly dig information out of Kushina about Kakashi’s teammate Rin, who obviously had a crush on Kakashi. You and Rin didn’t really get along because of this, always subtly competing for his attention. 

Your parents were very set on wanting you to have a normal childhood, so they kept you on the suggested shinobi path. Genin at twelve, Chunin at fifteen, and Jonin at eighteen. They were both medical ninjutsu users that worked for the Konaha hospital, and they saw too many young shinobi die or be critically injured over the years. They didn’t want the same for you, so you respected their wishes and kept on the safe path in your studies. Kakashi, however, was different. He was an incredibly gifted shinobi seemingly from birth, and his dad had been a legendary war hero before he was disgraced. Kakashi always tried to be better than the other kids his age, always trying to prove himself to the village. He graduated the academy before you had even started, despite being the same age. 

Despite being a Chunin, Kakashi still made time for you and his other friends. He’d train with you on his off days, and you’d still play games with the other kids in the village. He was even your first kiss (through his mask, but you both claimed it still counted) when Kurenai dared him to kiss you during a game of rescue mission. Kurenai was your other best friend and knew about your crush on Kakashi, so you made sure to thank her for this later. Though you were young, you knew that Kakashi made you happy, and that was enough for you.


	2. Growing Up Is Hard To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major spoilers about Kakashi’s backstory. Budding teen romance and a healthy dose of tragedy.

As time went on, Kakashi was home less and less. He was training to become a Jonin, so he was going on longer missions and spending more time training with Minato. His first mission as a Jonin went terribly wrong, resulting in the death of teammate Obito. Kakashi came home with Obito’s sharingan eye and a colder heart. That night, you snuck out of your house to his apartment. You laid there with him and held him as he cried about Obito and his dad, the two of you only ten years old but he had already lived through so much. He confessed to you that he swore to Obito that he would protect Rin, that it was Obito’s dying wish because he had been in love with her. Your heart softened for Kakashi, knowing he was a man of his word. You made a mental note that you would be nicer to Rin for his sake, knowing that Kakashi would be doing so out of obligation and not out of affection. 

You became a Genin at twelve, as expected, and you were put on a team with Kurenai. Since you were now out of the academy, and going on missions yourself, you saw Kakashi less and less. He, Rin, and Minato would go on much longer and more dangerous missions than you did, and you always worried about him. Every once in a while, when he was home from a mission, he’d climb up to your window at night to see you. Sometimes you’d sneak out to his apartment instead. You never did anything beyond sleep, and talk, because you were still young and it was enough to be in each other’s company for a little while. 

When Rin died when you were 13, Kakashi joined the Anbu Black Ops. You never saw him out in the village anymore, and your other friends complained that they never saw him either. Part of being in the Anbu was living a life of secrecy, wearing a mask (in Kakashi’s case, two masks) to protect your identity from enemies. This also meant you had to be careful with any personal relationships, as anyone you cared for could become a target if you weren’t careful. 

He still came to your window at night, and you’d spend the nights as you always did. You were getting older though, realizing that your feelings for him went beyond a childhood crush. You were in love with him. You’d seen him in his darkest days, you grew up with him, you’d always been there for each other. You had never officially been together, nor had either of you ever discussed feelings. You had always just _been_. (Y/n) and Kakashi, best friends against the world. 

The Chunin exam was coming up, and having recently turned 15, your parents agreed to let you take the exam. You were training with Kurenai one day, chatting about the exam and various village gossip. 

“I think,” you started, “I think if I pass the Chunin exam, I’m going to ask Kakashi if he wants to hook up.”  
“Oh?” Kurenai asked. “Do you think he wants to?”  
“I don’t know, he’s a guy. You know how we spend the night with each other all the time? We literally never do anything, we never even kiss. I don’t think it would be weird if I made a move, I honestly think he’s just too polite for it. Or shy, I don’t know.”  
“Why wait until after the exam?” Kurenai questioned. A good question, which you were prepared for.  
“I feel like there’s such a gap between me and Kakashi right now. I’m a Genin and he’s an ANBU captain, for gods sakes. I feel like if I become a chunin first, I’ll feel like I’m more on his level.”  
“That’s fair,” Kurenai mused. “I guess that means we need to train harder then,” she said with a grin.  
“Obviously,” you replied, laughing.


	3. With Courage and Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You muster up the courage to tell Kakashi how you feel. CW: references to consensual sex between minors, loss of virginity.

You and Kurenai both passed the Chunin exam a few days ago, amongst some of your other friends like Asuma Sautobi (who was also Kurenai’s boyfriend.) “Have fun tonight” Kurenai winked at you as she walked off with Asuma. 

Kakashi came home from his mission yesterday, so you were planning on going over to his apartment tonight, as usual. But tonight would be anything but the usual, you hoped. You were going to admit your feelings to Kakashi and hopefully take your relationship a giant step further. You went home to have dinner with your parents and prepare for what was going to be an eventful night. 

Kakashi was lost in thought as he tidied up his apartment that evening. He had sensed that something had been off about you recently, maybe that you were holding something back from him. He very much hoped you weren’t thinking about breaking things off with him. He was a man with very little left in his life, mostly by circumstance and partially by choice, but you were the one thing he chose to hold on to. He’d been in love with you for so long, since the time he’d kissed you during a game all those years ago. He hadn’t tried to kiss you since, not knowing if you reciprocated his feelings and worried that if he tried, he’d ruin the perfectly good thing you two had. The nights that you two spent together, a secret built out of necessity thanks to the dangers of being an ANBU, were the only truly happy moments he had these days. The sight of your (h/c) hair splayed across the pillow, the sound of your breath as you slept. Your (s/c) skin warm and soft and alive, he could spend a million more nights exactly like that and he’d be happy. As much as he wanted more, —to kiss you, to touch you, to be with you fully in every way possible — he’d never push you for it. You were the moon and he was the tide, and he’d go wherever you wanted. Even if that meant you’d just be friends for the rest of your lives.

You showed up at his apartment later, using the spare key he’d given you years ago to let yourself in. He was in his usual spot on the couch, reading. He loved to read, and most nights, you’d walk in to only see his silver crop of hair peeking out over a book. As soon as he saw you, he set his book down and smiled.

“Hi (y/n)”

“Hey Kakashi”

“I heard you passed the chunin exam! I knew you would. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to watch.”

“I did! And it’s okay. It was honestly easier than I expected, I guess because I’ve been training with you since I was practically in diapers,” you laughed.

“That’s my girl,” Kakashi smiles.

 _His girl,_ the words made your heart flutter as you joined him on the couch. You sat on the opposite side but stretched your legs out so you could tangle them with his, something you’d done since you were kids.

“So what do you want to do tonight?” He asked. He took a moment to admire you, sitting across from him. You’d always been cute, but as time went on, you’d become easily one of the prettiest girls in the village. Your long (h/c) always up in a ponytail, your big (e/c) eyes with thick curtains of long eyelashes around them. You had full lips and perfect (s/c) skin, still mostly devoid of scars despite how much you enjoyed training and fighting. You were in your usual outfit of a short (f/c) dress with bike shorts and mesh leggings, which showed off your relatively new curves enough without being too much. He was still lost in thought about you when you answered his original question, bringing him back to reality.

“Actually, there’s something I want to talk about.”

“Oh? What’s wrong, (y/n)?” His heart started racing. _She was going to tell him she didn’t want to hang out with him like this anymore, maybe there’s a guy she likes, maybe —_

“I like you. No, that’s not quite it. Kakashi, I think I’m in love with you.”

“Wait, what?” He looked shocked. You were immediately nervous that you were putting your foot in your mouth, but you couldn’t stop now.

“I‘ve felt this way for a long time now. I like spending time with with you like this, but I want more, Kakashi. I want to be with you, I want to kiss you. I want to be your girlfriend. And you know, we’ve been sleeping in each other’s beds for years but we’re both virgins and maybe if you feel the same about me then we could change that and I’m sorry if this is too forward but I needed to say something.” You rambled off, hardly taking a breath, avoiding his visible eye that wasn’t covered by his mask.

“Wait. You love me?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“And you want to be my girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“AND you want to have sex with me?”

“Yeah, if you want to.”

“(Y/n)...”

“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have—“

“I love you too.”

“What?” You were honestly surprised, given his reaction to everything you said.

He continued, “I’ve been in love with you for years, maybe forever. Of course I have. And I just never pushed for anything physical because I never knew if it was what YOU wanted. I’d never do anything to upset you or jeopardize our friendship. You’re really... all I have anymore. I didn’t want to lose you.”

He was blushing, you could see that his cheek above his mask and ears were bright red. He hadn’t been this open about his emotions in a long time. You didn’t know what to say, so you let your impulse guide you. You swiftly moved across the couch so you were face to face, and you pulled his mask down below his chin. He was so painfully handsome, and he looked more and more like his dad with each passing day. Maybe that’s why he wore the mask.

You held his face in between your hands for a moment, and then you kissed him. Your first kiss without his mask. He seemed to freeze at first, then he grabbed you, one hand behind your head and one on your waist, to pull you closer to him. You were dizzy with excitement, having thought about this moment a thousand times before. Your body settled in to his, you in between his legs with him still laying on the couch. He kissed you hard but sweetly, a mix of desire and uncertainty. You tangled your hands into his silver hair, moving to straddle him. He moved his hands under your dress, resting on your hips. He broke the kiss and moved to your neck, kissing and gently biting while pulling you closer to him. You let out a small gasp, which made him stop.

“Is this okay? Do you want to keep going?” He asked, concerned.

“Yes, I want to.”

“Okay. But I don’t have a—“

“I brought one.” You admitted, referring to the condom in your bag that Kurenai had slipped you during lunch that day.

“Oh.” Kakashi blushed hard. “Let’s go to my room then.”

...

You were laying with him in his bed some time later, in the early morning. You knew you’d have to leave to get back home before the sun started rising, but you didn’t want to. Kakashi was behind you, holding you close to him, his face in your neck. You were thinking back to the events of the evening, still unsure if you were dreaming or awake. It had been lovely, sweet and fumbling and funny in the way that can only happen when you lose your virginity to your best friend. It had only hurt a bit, and he was as gentle as he could be to try to limit that. Things were different now, you knew.

“This means you’re my girlfriend now, right?” Kakashi asked sleepily. You hadn’t known he was awake.

“If you want me to be.” You answered truthfully. You had laid everything out on the table, it was his turn to decide what was next.

“Please.” He responded, kissing your shoulder.   
  
“Then I am.” You said with a smile.

  
You really hoped you weren’t dreaming.


	4. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was too good to last.

The next few months were great. You and Kakashi were officially together, but still kept it a mostly-secret because of ANBU rules. He was home a lot more now, as the now-Hokage Minato had given him an incredibly important mission: to watch over Kushina, who was pregnant with their first child. With her also being the Nine Tails Jinchuriki, this made her an incredibly vulnerable target to leaf village enemies, and Minato wanted to take every precaution. Very few people in the village could know, including, besides you and Kakashi, the village elders, several other members of ANBU, and your parents, whom Minato asked to be Kushina’s primary doctors during this time. Everyone involved was stressed, yet excited, taking their roles in this pregnancy very seriously. You helped Kushina around the house and went shopping for her when you weren’t on your own missions, since she had to hide it from the village and could no longer leave the house after she started showing. The pregnancy itself went without incident. Yet, tragedy struck the day baby Naruto Uzumaki was born. 

That night played out like a nightmare. Madara attacked the village with the Nine Tails, as the seal in Kushina had weakened significantly during childbirth. You and the other Chunin were forbidden from helping in the fight by the Jonin, saying that you all were too young to get involved in the chaos. Many young shinobi lost their parents in that fight, including baby Naruto. Minato and Kushina sacrificed themselves to save Naruto and the village, with Minato ending the terror by sealing the Nine Tails inside his newborn son. Even though you were forbidden from getting involved, Kakashi, an ANBU, was not. He watched as Minato, his sensei, and Kushina, the last thing he had to a mother figure, died at the hands of Madara and the Nine Tails. Kakashi felt his heart break in a deeper way than it ever had before. He felt that he was cursed, and that everyone that he loved would one day be ripped away from him in a moment of violence and tragedy. The only thing left of his sensei was the newborn, now orphaned baby. He felt pity for the child, having grown up an orphan himself. He came to your room that night. You were home alone, as your parents were at the hospital tending to the many injured people after the attack.

“I think we should adopt Naruto.” He’d said when you let him in your window.

“I’m sorry, what?” You asked.

“We should ask Lord Third if we could take care of Naruto. Your parents would help, I know they would. It’s what Minato and Kushina would want, they wouldn’t want him to grow up an orphan.”

“Kakashi... you know how the village elders feel about orphans... and he’s the jinchuriki...”

“(Y/n) please. We have to try. I can’t just let him be alone.”

“Okay, okay. We’ll go to Lord Third in the morning. Please, just, lay down. I’m here for you, whatever you need. We’ll take care of Naruto.”

That night, Kakashi fell into a restless, nightmare-filled sleep. For the first time since Rin died, he talked in his sleep. A compilation of “I’m sorry” and “no” and “please,” mixed with fitful, violent jerks. You didn’t sleep that night, choosing instead to comfort Kakashi through his nightmares, silent tears streaming down your face. Again, you knew things were different now. This time, you hoped you were dreaming.

Kakashi woke with the sunrise, anxious to go see the Hokage. Since Minato, the Fourth Hokage, was now dead, Third Hokage Sarutobi was taking over in the interim. You ran to the Hokage’s office together silently, understanding the improbability and urgency of your request, but knowing you had to try anyway.

The Hokage’s door was open when you arrived, an unusual sight. You figured that he had been hearing from everyone in the village about the Nine Tails attack. Lord Third was an old, kind man and cared for the people of Konoha, of course he’d offer support after such a tragedy.

“Lord Hokage,” Kakashi said when you entered the office. You both bowed your heads. 

“Ah, young Kakashi and (Y/N). What brings you here?” He looked tired, and incredibly sad. His wife had been the one to help Kushina deliver the baby, and had been killed by Madara during the attack. 

“We’ve come regarding Naruto Uzumaki,” Kakashi started. “We wish for him to be placed in our care.”

“A newborn baby and Jinchuriki, placed in the care of teenagers?” Questioned the Hokage.

“My parents will also care for him,” you chimed in. “They took care of Kushina during her pregnancy, they feel an obligation to Naruto as well.”

The Hokage sighed. A new, fresh wave of sadness crossed his face. “I’m so sorry, but —“

“The child will be placed in the Konoha orphanage.” A cold voice interrupted from behind you. When you looked up, you saw that the village elders had walked in. Danzo is the one who spoke.

You saw Kakashi bristle at the sound of his voice. Danzo was the commander of the ANBU, a cold and ruthless man. “The Fourth Hokage would want his son in the care of his friends,” Kakashi protested. “He doesn’t have to go to the orphanage. We can take care of him.”

“The Fourth Hokage is dead.” Danzo replied coldly. “The child will go to the orphanage and, when he is old enough, will be put into orphan housing. He will go to the Ninja Academy. His expenses will be paid for until he begins working as a shinobi.” 

“That’s not fair, why can’t we—“ Kakashi was getting angry. It wasn’t often that he raised his voice, especially not in front of the Hokage. 

Danzo interrupted again. “You and everyone else are forbidden from trying to circumvent this. He is the Nine Tails Jinchiriki, he is a danger to the village. He is never to know about his parents or the Nine Tails. Not until he is able to control the beast inside him. I  _ strongly _ _recommend_ keeping your distance from him.” Danzo emphasized, making the threat behind his words clear. 

You and Kakashi looked toward the Hokage, unable to discern the expression on his face. “Lord Hokage...” you tried. 

“I am sorry you two. It is too dangerous to allow Naruto to live amongst the villagers. We can monitor him closely at the orphanage. Please, do not try to fight this. My mind has been made up,” The Hokage said flatly, nothing on his face to betray the sorrow he was hiding. 

“I see. I guess we’ll be leaving. Lord Hokage, Elders.” Kakashi said coldly without bowing. You both turned and left. 

When you were out of the building, you stopped and faced Kakashi. 

“I can’t believe they’re doing this to Naruto, it’s completely unfair. Why force him to grow up as an orphan when there’s plenty of perfectly good people—“ you were angry, and beginning to ramble.

“(Y/n),” Kakashi interrupted. “I think I need to be alone for a while.” Despite his mask, you could see his emotions clearly. He looked defeated, and tired. His one visible eye was far away, as if he was lost deeply in thought. 

“Okay. Are you sure?” You asked. It wasn’t unusual for him to want to be alone, he typically preferred to be alone if he wasn’t with you, but the look in his eye was concerning. 

“Yes, I’m sure.” Noticing the worry on your face, he offered a small smile. A fake smile, you could tell, but you couldn’t fault him for that after everything that he’d experienced in the last 24 hours. “I just need some time to myself, I’ll be okay. I’ll come see you soon.” He kissed your forehead in goodbye and left, taking his preferred path of rooftops and trees. You quickly lost sight of him, unsure where he was heading.

In your heart, you knew he was lying. You pushed the thought aside, swearing to yourself that he wasn’t leaving, that he just needed time. He’d been through so much in his life, it was normal for him to need time to grieve in solitude. You went home, knowing that your parents were probably back now and wanted to make sure you were alright. You’d tell them about what happened with the Hokage, and Danzo. Maybe they would be able to help change their minds, and Naruto could come live with you after all. 

Days passed and you didn’t see Kakashi. After the third day, you went to his apartment late at night to see if he was home. You let yourself in as usual, but he wasn’t there. Nothing was missing, you noticed, but it also looked like hadn’t been there in days. You returned home, feeling worried for the man you loved, hoping he wasn’t in danger. 

Several more days passed. Your friends hadn’t seen or heard from Kakashi either, which wasn’t abnormal but still concerning. Even his best friend Gai hadn’t heard from him, and Gai was really the only person he talked to other than you. You were growing desperate with worry, and your parents were concerned. You were distracted, always looking behind you or out the window, hoping for a sign of Kakashi. Even Kurenai couldn’t snap you out of it, hard as she tried. You just needed to know he was okay.

That night, you laid in bed, unable to fall asleep. Suddenly you heard a tap on your window. Hoping it was Kakashi, you jumped out of bed and went to the window. On your window sill was a pigeon, one of the messenger pigeons that Leaf shinobi use on missions to communicate with the village. You pulled the bird inside, and pulled the message from the pouch on its leg. You set the bird down on the sill, and opened the message. By the handwriting, you could tell it was from Kakashi. However, the relief you felt from receiving the message quickly faded as you read. 

“ _My sweet (y/n),_

_ I don’t really know how to say this, and I wish I didn’t have to. But I’m leaving Konoha. I’ve been assigned a long mission for the ANBU, and I don’t know when, or if, I’ll be back. Minato and Kushina’s death broke something in me, the last thread that was holding me together. I think I’m cursed, and I worry that if I stay, more people I love will end up dead. I can’t let that happen to you. I can’t be responsible for something horrible happening to you, or to Naruto. That’s why I have to go. I’m sorry.  _

_ By the time you read this I’ll already be gone. Please don’t look for me, and don’t wait for me. One day I hope to come back, and I hope that when that day comes, you will have moved on and be living a happy life. You deserve that and more. I understand if you don’t ever forgive me. I don’t expect you to.  _

_ Please take care of yourself.  _

_ With all of my love, _

_ Kakashi Hatake ” _

You were dizzy as you finished reading the note. He was leaving. He was leaving _you_. You looked to your window, hoping you could manage to send a message back to him, but the bird was already gone. 

You read the letter again, over and over again until you fell asleep. When you woke up, the letter was still in your hand and you had been crying in your sleep. You’d dreamt of Kakashi, of chasing him through a dark hallway that kept growing longer as he got further and further away.


	5. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one! The time skips span 10 years from the night Kakashi left. Major smut warning! But, it’s not with who you’d expect. Enjoy ~

The first year without Kakashi was almost unbearable. Your best friend of almost 16 years, your first love, one of the few constants in your life — gone. And all you had to show for it was a tear-stained letter and a broken heart. 

After nearly a year of crying on Kurenai’s couch, forgetting to eat, and worrying your parents without so much as a word from Kakashi, you decided that it was time to move on. You couldn’t spend your life waiting for him, so you pushed yourself to take your life back. You threw yourself back into training, having more or less completely abandoned it in that year. The feeling of shuriken leaving your hands to hit bullseyes and dodging kunai strikes from your sparring partners ignited a fire in your heart that you thought had burnt out. You were hoping to keep on track and become a Jonin next year, so you worked hard on your fighting abilities and jutsu prowess. 

Though your parents were both strictly medical ninjas, you’d never been very adept at it yourself. You were a wind-style chakra user, and had been creating small tornados and riding gusts of wind since you were young. You’d spent years developing a jutsu, the Wind Angel, which created wings made of wind to allow you to speed away or fly out of dangerous situations, and you were working on casting it on your comrades to help pull your squad out of peril. Being able to ride the wind meant you were fast, faster than most. Minato used to joke that you were the only kid in Konoha that could keep up with him, the Yellow Flash. 

In addition to training, you started volunteering at the Konoha orphanage. Your parents had tried and failed at changing the Hokage’s mind on Naruto’s placement, so volunteering gave you an excuse to see the baby, and ensure he was being properly cared for. You were incredibly protective of him, feeling a love for him that you could only imagine was the same as having a little brother. Being an only child, you’d always wanted a younger sibling. Someone you could guide, and train with, and you promised baby Naruto that you would be there for him as much as you could, Danzo and the village elders be damned. You had to be careful to not draw too much attention to your affection for the young Uzumaki though, worried that Danzo would have you banned from the orphanage if the nuns noticed. 

You trained hard, and became a Jonin a few months after your seventeenth birthday. You celebrated the accomplishment with your parents and friends, and announced that you were going to join a platoon that focused on peacekeeping between villages. This meant that you’d be gone on longer missions, weeks and months instead of days, and travel to distant lands. Your parents were proud of your growth, excited that you were going on a new adventure. They had worried that you might stay in the village, waiting around for Kakashi. Not that they’d ever confess this worry to you. 

Later that night, your mother came to your room. You were getting ready to go on your first mission to the Land of Earth, expecting to be gone for a month or so. 

“Are you excited, (Y/n)?” She asked. 

“Yes, very excited. I’m ready to see the world.” Your (e/c) eyes gleamed with hope, something your mother had missed seeing. 

“I’m glad, truly. You know, I signed up to volunteer at the orphanage while you’re away,” she smiled. “I figured you’d want someone to keep an eye on Naruto.”

“Oh mom, thank you,” you replied, eyes welling with tears. Truthfully, you’d been worried about that. Your parents were even more wary of Danzo than you were, and had been very concerned about your insistence on being in Naruto’s life. You would have never asked her to do this, so the fact that she offered made your heart feel lighter. The people you loved were going to be together, and you felt even more ready to go off on your own, knowing everything was taken care of. 

...

It had been about 8 years since you went on your first peacekeeping mission. You made sure to come home for a while in between long assignments, making sure to spend as much time with your parents, friends, and Naruto as you could before heading off again. You’d had a lot of fun on your missions, seeing new lands and meeting many interesting people. You’d learnt new jutsu from men on allied squads, and had studied herbalism skills from medicine women in small villages. You’d also picked up a fair share of lovers on your travels, not limiting your fun to shinobi skills. 

You often caused quite a stir when you arrived in new villages. Your long, shiny (h/c) hair tied up in a ponytail and your artfully applied eyeliner framed by thick, curly eyelashes around your (e/c) eyes caught the attention of many men, and some women. You had worked hard on your body and were proud of it, so you dressed in a way to showcase it. You wore a mesh long sleeve under your (f/c) cropped tank top, low cut to showcase your impressive cleavage. You wore a matching short, (f/c) skirt low on your hips, baring your midriff, with black bike shorts and mesh leggings underneath. You kept your Konoha headband tied to your bicep, and a hip bag carrying your shinobi tools draped across your left hip. You wore your Jonin vest, of course, but it remained unzipped for the most part. Your mom would sometimes chide you for your revealing outfit when you came home, but you’d always retort that the lack of clothing made you more aerodynamic. Being a wind-style user, it wasn’t a  complete lie. 

Despite the attention you received, you were still single. Not for lack of options — you’d been proposed to more than once by men you’d met on your travels — but casual sex was so much easier. You were rarely assigned to a village more than once, and you were having too much fun to try to settle down anyway. The only constant was your life back in Konoha, and while you weren’t lacking for options there either, none of the men caught your attention. The only Leaf shinobi you’d ever consider was the one that broke your heart. 

You still thought about Kakashi now and then, usually when you were alone in your tent late at night and couldn’t sleep. Every once in a while, you’d have the same nightmare you’d had the night he left, chasing him as he disappeared into the darkness. It didn’t sting as much as it did the first time, but it still hurt, a low ache in your heart. No longer a devastating open wound, but a healing, gnarled scar. It had been about 10 years since that night. You hoped he was okay. 

You were home from a mission and it was Friday night, and you had plans to meet your friends at a village bar for some fun. You arrived to your usual table to find Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai already there, with a drink waiting for you. You smiled as you slid into the booth next to Gai, and started regaling them with stories from your latest mission. As you were known to do, you started goading the men in the bar to games of darts, with the wager of “loser buys a drink for the winner.” You loved playing darts, and you loved free drinks even more. Your wind style came in handy here, as you could infuse a  _ tiiiiny _ bit of chakra into each dart to help guide it to the bullseye. You made sure to fumble your throws every now and then, to prevent suspicion. If the men noticed your cheating, they didn’t care, happy to have an excuse to have your attention and buy you a drink. 

After a few rounds of darts you returned to your friends, considerably more drunk than you were. They were all also pretty drunk, seemingly having a heated conversation. Kurenai and Asuma quickly ended their side of the conversation when you sat down, but Gai, not noticing their silent insistence to drop the subject, continued.

“(Y/n)! Kakashi said that he could beat me in an arm wrestling competition. Hah! Not with my youthful energy. I’d best him, right?” Gai slurred. 

“Kakashi said that? When did you hear from Kakashi?” You questioned, your ears growing hot. 

“Why, this morning! My eternal rival and I met up for our morning run, as usual.”

“Wait... Kakashi is back in Konoha?” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. He was back? 

“ _ Gai. shut. up _ .” Kurenai hissed, but it was too late. 

“His long mission ended like six months ago, and he’s been back to normal short missions. I thought you knew?” Though Gai was drunk, he began to turn red, realizing his mistake. 

“Kurenai. Please explain what is going on.” You kept your voice calm, but inside, your emotions were spinning like a violent storm. Anger that he hadn’t made an effort to see you, betrayal that no one had told you, excitement at the idea you might see him again. 

“He did come home some time ago, while you were out on a mission,” Kurenai sighed. “He asked us not to tell you.” She glared at Gai. 

“Why didn’t he want me to know?” You questioned. The scar on your heart started aching again. 

Asuma chimed in this time. “He isn’t ready to see you. He said he wants you to think he’s still gone.”

You were in shock. So he didn’t want to see you. Hurt was replaced with anger was replaced with hurt and back again. You decided to settle on anger. You could handle anger. 

“Well then. I guess I’ll keep carrying on as if he is still gone, if that’s what he wants.” You looked over to Gai, sheepishly looking at you, hoping you weren’t going to direct your anger at him. “Gai. What are you doing after this?” You asked. His eyebrows shot up, hopeful. 

“Well I was planning on going home, taking a shower, but if you wanted to come over I could crack open a bottle of sake or something.” He didn’t even try to hide the eagerness in his voice. 

“(Y/n), be nice...” Kurenai warned. They all knew that Gai had had a crush on you for the last few years, and you’d never reciprocated. The tall, bushy browed man was a bit too goofy for your tastes, but you were angry and needed a release. And you knew Gai would  enthusiastically provide that release. The fact that he was Kakashi’s friend was a coincidental bonus, nothing more, you told yourself. 

“I  am being nice, Kurenai. What do you say Gai, how about I join you for that shower,” you suggested to the energetic man. Asuma just looked down and pinched the bridge of his nose. Kurenai rolled her eyes at your shamelessness. You’d come a long way from being the girl that couldn’t bear to buy her own condoms. 

Gai’s face was bright red. “Y-yes that sounds good. Let me go close my tab.” He immediately jumped up and walked swiftly to the bar.  _ He’s even more eager than I expected. Good,  _ you thought. 

Gai came back to the table but a minute later, and offered you his arm. You took it, looking back at Kurenai with a wink as you walked away from the table with Gai. She rolled her eyes again. 

Gai’s apartment was incredibly clean and organized. His books were color-coded, and his throw blankets were laid at perfect 45 degree angles.  _ I bet he folds his underwear _ , you mused internally. You kind of wanted to check. 

You were both pretty drunk, and you were ready to get to business. You didn’t want to be in your head anymore tonight. 

Gai seemed unsure of what to do next. “So do you want to open a bottle of sake? Or I could make some tea, or—“

“Kiss me, Gai.” You weren’t one to play games when it came to matters of the bed. 

Not needing a second invitation, the tall, raven-haired man bent down to plant a sloppy kiss on your lips, cupping your head in his hands. You wrapped your arms around his neck and jumped, wrapping your legs around his waist. Without breaking the kiss he moved his arms to support the new position, one hand under your butt and the other arm wrapped around your waist. He was strong, holding you with ease, and not a bad kisser. Your tongue wrestled his for dominance, and you won. You bit his bottom lip and sucked the soft flesh through your teeth. While still holding you, he moved one of his hands from your waist to your breast, finding the nipple through your shirt and rolling it in his fingers. You felt yourself getting wet, the anger in your heart fueling your desire for release. You leaned in to his ear and whispered “So what about that shower?” and nibbled on his ear lobe. 

“An excellent idea,” he replied, and excitedly carried you to the bathroom. He set you on the bathroom counter as he turned on the shower, and you immediately began tearing off your clothes. You were in the process of pulling your skirt off when Gai reappeared. He kneeled before you, still seated on the counter, and pulled your skirt and panties down in one motion. He grabbed your hips to angle your pussy directly in front of his face and dove in.  _ Enthusiastic indeed _ , you thought. He lapped at your lips hungrily, shoving his tongue into your hole before swirling it up to your clit. He began sucking and pressing on your sensitive nub with his tongue, causing the wetness of your pussy to start pooling. He moved one of his large, rough hands to your slit teasing your entrance. “Gai...” you moaned in encouragement, and he slid his middle finger into your hole. He pushed in and out a few times before adding his ring finger, pumping and curling his fingers toward your g-spot while still sucking your clit. You wrapped your thighs around his head as your climax grew closer, your breath ragged at his skill. He sucked harder and added his index finger in for good measure, which sent you over the edge. “Fuck!” you shouted as your orgasm peaked, squeezing his head with your thighs. He continued on as you rode out the orgasm, kissing your inner thighs as he pulled away. 

He stands up and undresses himself quickly, then scoops you up in his arms. You’re straddling his waist the way you were earlier, and he carries you into the shower. He leans you against the shower wall, warm from the water, and begins kissing and sucking on your breast, moving toward your nipple. As he rolls your nipple in your mouth, you groan, eyes closed, and reach below your ass to find his cock. He’s fully erect, a satisfying, yet not noteworthy, length and girth. You start pumping his length with your hand, and a growl rumbles through his throat. He adjusts your body so he can position the head of his penis at your entrance. “Fuck me,” you purr, and he obliges. 

The tall, strong man holds your body with ease, bouncing you up and down on his cock hard. He’s holding you at the perfect angle, the head of his penis hitting your g-spot every time, making your breath hitch into high pitched moans. “Fuck, Gai, I’m gonna—“ you start, as the orgasm crashes over you. He moans, and you feel him struggle to hold his own orgasm back as your walls tighten around his cock, but he ensures that you ride your climax to completion. He pulls out of you, pumping his length with his hand as he cums into the warm stream of water. 

Panting, he sets you down, careful to make sure your feet are steadily on the shower floor before releasing his grip. You finish the shower together, as you’d both needed one anyway, washing his broad chest with soap as he shampooed your hair. 

After the shower, you were exhausted. He handed you a tshirts and a pair of boxers, neatly folded into a square. You dressed and climbed into his bed, barely noticing as he wrapped his arm around your waist as you fell quickly to sleep. 


	6. Regrets and Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is back! But the reunion is anything but sweet. Lots of Naruto-is-your-little-brother fluff, because I love little Naruto and he deserved better. Lots of angst. This one flips back and forth between the perspective of (y/n) and Kakashi, indicated by the double dash separations between sections.

When you woke up, you were immediately greeted by a dull throbbing in your head.  _Oh great_ , you thought,  hangover . You looked around, remembering that you were not in your apartment. The other side of the bed was empty, blankets smoothed and folded down.  _ Gai.... shit. Maybe that wasn’t very nice of me. I hope he doesn’t think we’re dating now. _

Gai walked in then, fully dressed, carrying a cup of coffee and two aspirin. 

“I figured you’d need this,” he said, handing you the pills and mug. 

“You have no idea,” you chuckled dryly, chasing the bitter pills with bitter coffee. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at you. You inhaled through your teeth, and started “Look, Gai, last night was great, but—“

“Ah (y/n), you don’t have to say anything. I know this wasn’t anything more than a drunken fling. I may be youthful, but I’m not naive,” he said, smiling. 

_Ouch_ , you thought. At least you didn’t have to let him down. “Well that makes this conversation a lot easier than I was expecting. Still friends?” you asked. 

“Always friends, my dear (y/n). However, my door is open if you ever want to... work through any more feelings,” he said with a laugh. 

You laughed too, “I’ll keep that in mind.” You took notice of his outfit; a tight tank top and joggers. Definitely workout clothes. “You going running?” Your attempt at a casual question did not fool either of you. You both knew what you had really been asking. 

“Indeed I am, as usual. Need me to pass anything along?” 

“No, that’s okay. Are... are you going to tell him?” 

“Do you want me to tell him?” He asked, raising one of his thick eyebrows. 

“I mean... if it comes up... I wouldn’t be mad if you did...” you were being petty.  Oh well. _He started it by making your friends hide shit from you_ , you reasoned. 

Gai sighed. “Ah Kakashi, my eternal rival. One day he’ll figure out what he’s doing. I hope so at least.” A sad smile crossed his face. Kakashi’s life choices hurt him too. 

“Yeah, maybe one day, when Hell freezes over,” you laughed. You got out of bed and head to the bathroom, where your discarded clothes still laid. You dressed quickly and situated your hair, which was a nightmare from going to sleep with it wet, and went back into the room. Gai was out in the living room, putting on his running shoes. You met him at the door, giving him a hug and a swift kiss on the cheek before sliding out the door. “Thanks for everything, Gai. I’ll see you at the bar.”

You left his apartment complex, walking slowly down the street toward your own a few blocks away. It was still very early morning, the streets fairly empty, most of the shops still closed. You passed by a traveling merchant, getting set up for the day. You stopped to check his wares, and noticed he had an assortment of comic books for sale. You thumbed through a couple of them, finding one about a great shinobi hero that was adored by all.  _Naruto would love this_ , you thought, and purchased the book. You were planning on taking Naruto to lunch today, as you often did when you were home between missions. He was 10 now, less than a year left in time at the Ninja Academy, if he passed his exam.

Your parents had done right by him while you were away a lot those first few years. They made sure he had food stocked, and invited him to dinner secretly when they could. Most of the other villagers either pretended he wasn’t there or avoided him out of fear, the memories of the Nine Tails attack poisoning their minds against the kid. Given his circumstances, he’d become a bit of a menace to the village; vandalizing the Hokage monument with paint and using mailboxes for shuriken practice. Kid stuff. 

He was a little shit in all regards but he could do no wrong in your eyes. He was your beloved little brother, and people treated him better when you were around. At least, they didn’t outwardly treat him badly in your presence. You’d had more than a few conversations with the Third Hokage about keeping your distance from Naruto, but you vehemently refused until he gave in. He had to live in his village-assisted apartment alone, but they couldn’t stop you from being kind to him.

A few hours later, you were walking up to Ichiraku Ramen to meet Naruto. You’d gone home to nap off the rest of your hangover and change into fresh clothes. You saw the boy at the ramen stand, his back facing you as he talked the ear off of Teuchi, the shop owner. Still several yards away, you pulled the comic book out of your pocket and created a tiny chakra tornado, just strong enough to suspend the book in the eye of the storm. You gently sent the tornado toward the boy, and he turned toward it when he felt the gentle change in the wind. He was confused at first, but he smiled when he saw the book and immediately grabbed it out of the wind. The cyclone dissipated, and when he looked up at you, his eyes lit up.

“NEECHAN!!!” He exclaimed. He’d been calling you “big sister” for years and it never failed to make you smile. 

“Hey kid,” you grinned as he ran up to you with the comic book. You squished his cheeks in your hands, as you were known to do, and he playfully pushed your hands away. “You hungry?”

“I’m ALWAYS hungry!” He responded, which was more or less true. You were glad that you made good money from your peacekeeping missions, because this kid would eat holes in your wallet otherwise. You sat down at the Ichiraku counter and greeted Teuchi.

“Hello hello, can I get the usual, Teuchi? And whatever Naruto wants.” You laughed as Naruto started rattling off his complicated order. 

—

Kakashi Hatake stood on a rooftop several buildings away from the Ichiraku Ramen shop. He saw you greet Naruto with a small whirlwind carrying a gift, and watched as you grabbed his face in your hands. He chuckled at that, very curious about your relationship with the boy. It was the first time he’d seen you since he left Konoha on his long mission, but even from this distance, he could see that you were more beautiful than you had been the day he left. 

In the days before he left all those years ago, he watched you, like this. Far enough away that you wouldn’t be able to sense him, using his Sharingan to see you more clearly than he could with his normal eye. He’d agonized for days about how to tell you he was leaving, how to apologize, how you’d react, but instead he opted for a letter and a carrier pigeon — the coward’s way out, he admitted. He’d said goodbye to you from afar without your knowledge, not sending the letter until he was far beyond the border of the village. He’d feared that if he was too close, you’d try to come looking for him. He’d still hoped that you would, but was glad when you didn’t.

He could see you and Naruto sitting side by side, you listening intently as the young boy talked at you animatedly between bites, making grand expressions with his hands and eyes. Sometimes you’d laugh, or respond to whatever he’d last said, but mostly you listened with a look of adoration on your face. He felt a dull tug in his heart at this observation. He’d been back in Konoha for several months now, and while it was his first time seeing you, he’d checked in on Naruto regularly. And one thing was certain: the boy was incredibly lonely. He didn’t seem to have any friends at the academy, and kids playing around the village would disperse if he came around. Naruto was probably extremely grateful for your company, for someone to listen to him for once.  _You’ve always been good at making people feel loved_ _,_ he thought. 

He had put off seeing you for this long, hoping that if he couldn’t see you, you’d also never see him. He wanted to prolong the inevitable: the first time you’d see each other after over 10 years. He wasn’t ready for it, the guilt and shame over the way he left you was almost too much to bear on his own time, let alone with you standing in front of him. This is why he had asked your friends to keep his return to Konoha a secret, but as he learned from Gai this morning, the secret was out. You knew he was here, and you had been angry. You had every right to be, after all.

Gai had been off this morning during their run, an extra energetic spring in his step mixed with an uncharacteristic avoidance of conversation. Usually it was Kakashi that was being pried for information, but when Gai admitted to accidentally letting it slip that he was back in the village, Kakashi wanted to know everything. Thus, he’d also learned how you and Gai had spent your evening, with as few details as possible. Finding out that you had slept with Gai while drunk and angry at him made him a bit dizzy, wondering about your true motive.  _Did you have feelings for Gai? Did you want me to find out? Did you do it to hurt me?_ He’d wondered. He’d never known you to be a vengeful person, but then again he didn’t really know you anymore.

Kakashi hadn’t been angry at Gai, or at you, because he knew he had no place to be. He had no say in what you did or whom you slept with, but it still hurt. He was still in love with you, and had never stopped being in love with you, but he’d been the one to burn the bridge between you. He didn’t know what he expected to happen when you saw each other again, and he didn’t know what he wanted either. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. What he  wanted was for you to forgive him and jump into his arms, but he would never expect you to do that and he didn’t deserve that anyway. Kakashi believed he did not deserve your forgiveness, and he still lived in fear that even if you forgave him, even if he did give in and let himself have you, that you’d be taken away from him. So he’d keep his distance. He knew he couldn’t avoid you forever, but for now, he watched you. He watched you and Naruto, the two most important people in his world, sit together and share a meal happily, unaware of his presence. His heart ached, a fresh wound on an existing scar. 

— 

The next few weeks went by and you didn’t see Kakashi. You tried to not look for him, tried to convince yourself that you didn’t care.  If he wants to see me, he’ll come find me. I will NOT spend my time looking for Kakashi again , you scolded yourself. You were nothing if not stubborn, having made up your mind. Still, you’d sometimes catch yourself absentmindedly noticing the chakra energy in your vicinity, hoping for a sense of his. Once, you swore you saw a swath of silver hair on a rooftop above you, but when you looked back up, it was gone. You went back to your routine, going on missions and spending time with your friends and family in between. 

The first time you saw Kakashi was when you’d come home from a mission a few days early, months after first learning the news of his return. You were shopping in the village when you saw the back of Gai’s signature haircut at a fruit stall. You hadn’t seen your any of your friends yet, having just gotten back to the village the night before. You walked up to him and tapped on his shoulder, causing him to startle and turn around. 

“Hey Mister Youthful, didn’t mean to scare you!” You joked, but Gai’s eyes had flicked away from you. You followed his gaze and saw a masked man with his headband pulled down over his left eye and a thick head of silver hair.  _Kakashi_ . 

He’d been standing at the fruit stall in front of Gai, so you hadn’t seen him past the tall, bushy browed man. Kakashi’s visible eye was wide in surprise, his ear turning red with blush. You stood there in silent shock, feeling your own face grow hot. 

Gai finally broke the silence. “(Y/n), hi! You got me,” he chuckled nervously. “I thought you weren’t coming back for a few more days?”

“My mission ended early.” You said flatly, eyes still fixed on Kakashi. A thousand thoughts raced through your head. You’d mentally prepared for this moment so many times over the years, and now here it was, and you were coming up blank. You couldn’t see much of his face, as usual, but you could see a sharp jawline though his mask. His hair was thick, styled differently than he did when you were kids, a cool, casual style. He’d gotten tall, not quite as tall as Gai, but considerably taller than you.  _Goddamnit,_

you thought to yourself,  _of course he’s still handsome._

Kakashi spoke next. “It’s good to see you, (Y/n).” Hearing him say your name in his new, grown up voice made your heart flutter wildly, you’d always wonder what he’d sound like. 

“Yeah... you too...” you responded, almost whispering. You kept looking at each other for a while, whether it was a few seconds or a few hours you weren’t sure, when Gai broke the silence again.

“Uh, Kakashi, we have to head to that meeting with the Hokage, we should probably get going. (Y/n) I’ll see you at the bar with the rest of the group this weekend,” Gai said as he nervously pulled Kakashi by his arm and led him away.

“Bye.” You said after them, still barely above a whisper, doubtful that either of them heard you. 

—

You’d learned from Gai that Kakashi had retired from the ANBU, and that he’d be leading his first team of Genin this year. Asuma and Kurenai were also going to be getting their own teams, so the four of you had been celebrating in your usual booth. You wanted to wait a few more years before leading a team, because it meant less traveling and strictly D and C ranked missions. You weren’t quite ready for that yet. You’d seen Kakashi here and there since the first time at the market. You were never in each other’s presence for long and never alone, so you’d only exchanged a few words. While the sight and sound of him still made your head spin and your heart flutter, you were gaining your confidence around him. You were determined to talk to him, a real conversation, soon.

You waited impatiently outside of the Ninja Academy on the day of Naruto’s Genin exam. He’d been training hard and you were hoping to hear that he passed, and you were curious to find out if he’d been assigned to any of your friends. He burst through the door a bit later, a Leaf Village headband held high above his head as he ran toward you. 

“I DID IT!!!!!” He shouted when he saw you, racing past the other kids as they casually filed out of the school building.  
  


“I knew you’d do it!!!! I’m so proud of you!” You took his headband from his hand and tied it around his forehead for him. “Welcome to the shinobi world, little brother,” you said, and smushed his cheeks. “Did you get your team assignment?” You asked.

“Yeah I did! You’re not gonna believe this, but they put me on a team with Sakura!” He was beaming at the thought of spending so much time with his crush.

“Lucky boy! Who’s the third person on your team? Anyone cool?”

His eyes darkened. “Stupid Sasuke Uchiha. Of course. All the girls think he’s  _sooooo_ cool but he’s just a jerk.

You’d heard Naruto complain about Sasuke many times. “Please don’t get into any unnecessary fights with him. Do you know who your team captain is?”

“Hmmm.... he’s a Jonin I’ve never heard of, they said his name is Kakashi. Do you know him, neechan?” Naruto asked.

“Oh yeah I know Kakashi,” you said, chuckling dryly. “We used to be neighbors when we were kids.”

“Oh wow!! You should tell him to easy on me then, since you’re friends!”

“Not a chance, kid. You gotta work twice as hard so you can beat me one day,” you said with a wink. 

Naruto broke off from you, saying he had to go train, so you let him go. As you wandered through the village toward your apartment, you were lost in thought.  _So Kakashi is going to be training Naruto then. Of course. I should have assumed Lord Third would assign them together. Well, I guess he can’t avoid me now, thanks to Naruto._ You sighed heavily. You’d have to track him down soon and try to have a conversation with him.

—

When Kakashi received his team assignment, his breath caught in his throat.  _Naruto Uzumaki_ . While he expected this might happen, he was still overwhelmed to learn that he would be training his own late-sensei’s son. _I hope I’ll make you proud, Minato. I hope we both make you proud._

Minato was not the only reason he was anxious about this assignment. The other reason was you. He knew how close you and Naruto were, and he knew that you would be very involved in the boy’s training. There was no way to avoid you now, without being mean or keeping you away from Naruto. He knew that eventually he’d be forced to face you and deal with the last twelve years. Maybe this was his sign that it was time to apologize. 

It was Tuesday, and you weren’t on a mission, which meant that you were most likely training at the training grounds you and he went to as kids. Before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed his weapons bag and left his apartment, setting course for the training grounds. He was nervous, entirely unsure of what was to come. But he’d been thinking about you non-stop for twelve years. He wasn’t going to try to win you back — not that you’d want him anyway — the fear of his grim reaper curse holding him hostage. But he did want to apologize, and maybe you two could rebuild your friendship, at least for Naruto’s sake. Selfishly, he hoped you still had feelings for him. Not that it would matter anyway.

—

You were practicing your wind chakra-assisted shuriken boomerang technique in your old training spot when you felt someone approaching. You straightened up, listening to figure out if it was an enemy or just some kid looking for a place to throw kunai. As they got closer, you could sense their chakra, and you immediately knew who it was.

“I didn’t expect you to show up here, Kakashi,” you called out. He appeared a moment later, hopping down from a tree into the clearing. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here either. I was just looking for a quiet spot to train,” he lied, walking toward you.

“Hmph. Well I’m not leaving, I was here first. But you can stay if you want.” 

“Sure.” Kakashi wasn’t sure what to say to break the tension, but thankfully you were prepared.

“So I heard you got assigned as Naruto’s team captain. You’re gonna have one hell of a time between him and Sasuke though. Naruto has a crush on Sakura, who has a crush on Sasuke, and Sasuke hates both of them but especially Naruto. You’re probably going to have your hands full prying them off of each other,” you laughed.

“Thanks for the warning. You sure know a lot about Naruto. Seems that you two are pretty close,” he said, trying to be casual. Of course he already knew you were close with Naruto, he’d seen it first hand.

“Yeah well, I was all he had left after you disappeared. I wasn’t going to abandon him,”  _like you abandoned me_ , you added silently. “He’s my little brother and I  will be around a lot. You won’t be able to avoid me.”

“(Y/n), about that, I’m sorry I le—“ he was interrupted by a shuriken zooming past his ear.

“Do NOT try to apologize to me, Kakashi Hatake!” The anger you’d been holding against him for so long was bubbling up to the surface. Instinctively, you’d thrown a shuriken at him to shut him up. What good were apologies now?

“You’re right, you’re right. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I don’t even deserve your time. But I want to explain. I didn’t want to leave you.” He approached you and you drew your kunai defensively. You had no idea what you intended to do with it, but he was hurting you and you had to defend yourself. The gnarled scar on your heart began splitting open again.

“But you DID leave me, Kakashi. You left me and all I got was a stupid fucking letter. I cried myself to sleep for a year because of it, my parents thought I had lost my mind. I didn’t know if you were alive or dead for  ten fucking years. ” Tears were spilling out now, hot angry tears. You couldn’t hold them back.

“I fucked up. I know I fucked up, I was a coward, and you didn’t deserve that. I never should have left that way, but I didn’t know what else to do! After Minato and Kushina died, I couldn’t stand to be here anymore. It felt like I was fucking cursed and that if I didn’t leave, then who knows what would have happened.”

“That is a chickenshit excuse and you know it Kakashi,” you spat. “I lost Minato and Kushina too. Lots of people lost someone that night. You don’t get to just run away from your problems and then make yourself feel better by telling yourself you’re doing the right thing. You broke my fucking heart and you abandoned Naruto and I was all he had left. You don’t get to hurt other people because you don’t know how to deal with your own shit.” All the words you’d been carrying for over a decade were spilling out. You didn’t even care if he was listening at this point. “And then there I am ten years later, and I find out that you’re back? That you’d been back for MONTHS and couldn’t even fucking bother to say ‘hi’? I didn’t stop thinking about you for a decade and you didn’t even have the decency to let me know you were okay, I had to find out from Gai. And you want to say you’re sorry?”

Kakashi was stunned, unsure of what to say. You were right, completely 100% right. He was a chickenshit and a coward and felt like dirt. “You have every right to be angry, (Y/n),” he started, but you cut him off.

“Of course I’m angry. And it sucks because here you are, standing in front of me, and I want to hate you so bad. But I’m a fucking idiot that’s still in love with you! I’ve been burning a candle for you since the night you left and I feel so stupid because it’s been so long and you’re still running away from it. What do you even want from me? Why track me down here, where you knew I’d be alone? Because I know you didn’t just show up here accidentally.” You were tired. Tired of holding on to him for nothing, even though you’d convinced yourself you’d let him go a long time ago. 

_She’s still in love with me_ , Kakashi was overwhelmed by your admission. It made him feel even worse, knowing you still felt the same way about him. “I don’t... I don’t know what I want. But you shouldn’t love me. You don’t need me! All I’ve done is hurt you. There’s plenty of other men vying for your attention, I’ve done nothing to deserve you.” He wanted so badly to run up and pull you into his arms, but he had already caused so much damage. His guilt throbbed in his chest. Hurting you was his biggest regret, and here he was, doing it again. 

“Well make a goddamn decision, because I am done with this game. I am capable of making my own decisions and I don’t give a shit about other men. Do you want me or not?” You asked him pointblank.

“I can’t.” He said quietly.

You stepped toward him, “You can’t or you  don’t ?”

He didn’t answer, instead just looked down, away from you.

“Fuck this.  **Wind Angel jutsu.** ” You took off on your wings, out of the clearing, without looking back at Kakashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the long-awaited (for me) Kakashi/reader lemon! I’m honestly really excited to write it. Hope you all enjoy.


	7. Hurt Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi starts to work through his emotional baggage and realizes what he really wants. Graphic sex warning! I have been really excited about writing this sex scene, I feel really proud of it! Choking/breath play kink warning. Let me know what you think!

Kurenai answered her door to find you leaning miserably against the door frame with mascara staining your cheeks. You met her eyes with a look she’d seen many times before. 

“Oh no. Let me guess. You and Kakashi finally talked?” She stepped aside as you entered her apartment and threw yourself on the couch, an act of dramatics she was quite familiar with.

“You could say that. More like, he talked and I yelled,” you replied. “And I threw a shuriken at his head.”

“I’m assuming it wasn’t a happy shuriken,” Kurenai said, sucking air through her teeth. “So what happened.”

“He tried to apologize to me. Fucking idiot.”

“Well didn’t you want him to apologize?” She questioned. It was true, you had wanted that, but hearing it hurt a lot more than you’d expected.

“Yeah. I guess. But what good is ‘I’m sorry’ after all this time? What am I supposed to do with that? ‘Thank you for being sorry about breaking my heart and giving me abandonment issues’?” 

“What did you actually say to him, though?”

“What  didn’t I say,” you groaned. “I told him everything. It all just came spilling out. I tore him a new one about leaving Naruto with nothing and me having to pick up the pieces. About how fucked up I was for the whole first year after he left. I called him a chickenshit.”

Kurenai laughed at that. “Well at least you were honest.”

“I told him I was still in love with him.” At that, the tears started flowing again.

“Oh (y/n)...” Kurenai smoothed your hair, looking at you with empathy. You’d been best friends all your lives, and she hated seeing you so upset.  _How many times is she going to let Kakashi break her heart?_ She wondered.

Kurenai stood up and went to the kitchen. You heard the popping of a wine cork, and she returned with two glasses of red wine. “You are an angel from above and I don’t deserve you,” you said in fragility.

“Hush you. So how did he.... respond to all that?” Kurenai was curious, but she didn’t want to push you.

You inhaled sharply. “Well, he agreed that he was a coward and that he fucked up by leaving the way he did. He groveled a bit. When I told him that I was in love with him, he said that I shouldn’t because I ‘had a lot of options’. He’s lucky I didn’t come after him with my kunai for that one.” Kurenai suppressed a laugh, and nodded at you to continue. “And when I asked him if he wanted me.... he said ‘I can’t.’” You sighed heavily, sadly. “What the fuck does that even  _mean_ ?”

“It means that he hasn’t changed at all,” Kurenai said plainly. “He’s never known what he wants, he’s always been in his head about everything. You two would have never even been together in the first place if you hadn’t taken charge.” She rolled her eyes and muttered, “men, I swear.”

“You’re right. I’ve always been honest with him, I told him everything that’s been on my mind for the last 12 years. If he can’t make up his mind about what he wants, then good riddance.” You raised your glass to Kurenai’s and clinked it.

_We’ll see about that_ , Kurenai thought to herself. 

—

“ _You don’t get to just run away from your problems and then make yourself feel better by telling yourself you’re doing the right thing.” _

Kakashi played your words over and over again in his mind. Is that what he’d been doing? Convincing himself that he was some martyr to numb the shame of running away?

After you’d dashed away, he’d slunk back to his apartment like a dog that had been kicked. He was embarrassed, and confused, and feeling more remorseful than ever after seeing your pain up close. He’d avoided it for so long, hiding from you, and he was reeling after having his nose shoved in his mistakes.

“ _Do you want me or not? ” _

Of course he wanted you. But he didn’t deserve you. Didn’t think he could protect you. But god, did he want you.

He made it back to his apartment, and laid in his bed, fully clothed with thoughts only on you. At some point, he must have fallen asleep. He was having a nightmare, a common occurrence for him, but this one was different.

_He was standing in a field, a bright, open field in the middle of the day. He saw his dad standing several meters away, with his back turned toward him. “Dad!” Kakashi called, and his dad did not turn, did not even seem to hear him, as he started walking away. “Dad, wait! Please wait!” He yelled, but his voice came out in only a whisper. He tried to run toward his dad but his legs were heavy, he could only struggle forward slowly. As his dad faded from his view, he heard laughter. He turned around to see Rin and Obito, chasing each other and laughing, as if they were playing a game. “Rin! Obito! Over here!” Kakashi tried to wave his arms to catch their attention, but his arms suffered the same fate as his legs. Rin and Obito ran off without noticing him, out of sight before he could call to them again. Kakashi caught the scent of blood coming from behind him. He knew before turning around who he would see. Minato and Kushina, pierced by the claw of the Nine Tails, struggling through their goodbyes. Kakashi was still paralyzed, unable to moved, unable to help them. “Sensei! Kushina! I’m sorry! I can’t.... I can’t do anything! I can’t save you! I can’t save anyone!” He screamed, still a whisper. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see this scene any longer. When he opened them again, he was alone. He finally seemed to be able to move again, so he turned around. When he did, he saw you, standing a ways away. You weren’t facing him, but he could see your side profile, musing at the sky. “(Y/N)?” He called, at normal volume this time. You turned to him, smiling as you started walking toward him. “No, (y/n), don’t come near me. Everyone else here died and I couldn’t save them, I can’t save you. Please.” He cried, but you were still walking toward him. As you approached him, you reached out your hand. Tentatively, he took your hand, and before he could plead for your life again, you spoke. “You didn’t kill them, and you don’t have to save me. I’m not afraid of you, I can take care of myself. But maybe you can work on saving yourself.” You squeezed his hand gently._

It was then that Kakashi woke up. His heart was racing and he was covered in sweat, forcing himself to remember his dream before it could escape him. He’d been torturing himself all his life, the guilt of death weighing his heart like stones, a new stone added for every life. He was tired of the constant nightmares, the loneliness, the pain. Maybe you were right. Maybe he should try to start letting things go, moving some stones. Maybe he could start by letting himself be loved, and loving back, instead of being alone and surrounded by walls. 

Maybe he could start by telling you the truth. 

—

You woke up to the sound of knocking on your apartment door. You’d been at Kurenai’s place most of the day, getting very, very wine drunk, and had returned to your home and immediately fell asleep. The clock on your bedside table said 2am. “Who the fuck could that be?” you mumbled. You were only wearing an oversized t shirt and underwear, considering briefly that you should put pants on but you walked to the door, rubbing your eyes, still groggy from the wine. You pulled open the door to find Kakashi standing there, hair disheveled, clothes wrinkled, as if he’d also been sleeping. Your breath hitched in your throat. “Kakashi... what are you doing here? It’s 2am! You’ve got some nerve—“

“(Y/n), please... just listen to me,” he pleaded. You stopped talking, and gestured vaguely into your apartment, inviting him in. He walked in and you closed the door, turning toward him, impatient. He took an awkward seat on the couch, but you remained standing. He took a deep breath before starting.

“I’ve spent... a long, long time torturing myself over the deaths of people I loved. So much so that I had convinced myself that I was somehow the cause, that I was cursed or poison or whatever. I was afraid of myself, so I ran away, because I thought that if I stayed, the same thing would happen to you. And eventually I realized that I was stupid and acting cowardly, but I was in denial because acknowledging that meant coming to terms that I broke both of our hearts for no reason. I couldn’t deal with that. So I stayed away, and then I continued hiding from you, making everything worse while trying to convince myself I was making things better.” He paused, meeting your eyes. “All that to say, I’m sorry for the stupid, cowardly choice I made all those years ago. I’m sorry for hurting you, more than you’ll ever know. And I’m sorry that I’ve wasted so much time running from you instead of admitting that I’m still in love with you. I always have been.”

Your ears were ringing. You could feel your face turning hot. “Kakashi...” was all you could manage.

“I understand if you’re still angry, or if you can’t forgive me. I don’t expect anything from you. I just needed to be honest, for once. I’ll go if you want me to,” he said, standing up and moving toward the door.

You moved between him and the door, “Don’t. Don’t... leave me again,” you said, barely above a whisper.

Kakashi grabbed your hands. “I won’t, I swear, I won’t. If you want me to stay, I’ll never leave you. I never, ever want to hurt you like that again.”

You looked up at him, meeting his one visible eye. Instinctively, you reached up to him, cradling his face in your hands. You pulled his mask down, seeing for the first time the man he’d grown into. The scar over his Sharingan eye had healed down, a dull brown strike over his pale skin. His lips looked lovely and soft, complemented by the small beauty mark on his chin.  _He’s beautiful_ , you mused. He leaned into your hand, gazing back at you. 

“Kakashi. I’ve missed you.”

“You don’t know how many times I’ve dreamt of you saying those words,” he said, and pulled you closer to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he moved to cradle your head. In what felt like agonizing slowness, he tilted your head up as he leaned down to you, gently placing a cautious kiss on your lips.

Immediately, it felt like your body was full of electricity, every one of your nerves buzzing with excitement. You kissed him back eagerly, hungrily, a new wave of suppressed emotions crashing over you. You moaned into his mouth as you felt his tongue slide into yours, soft and sure. Mirroring your energy, he grabbed you by the waist, guiding you from the door to the couch without breaking the kiss. As you reached the couch, he picked you up so he could position you on his lap while he sat down. This new proximity sent waves of electricity down your body, feeling yourself growing wet. You reached up and tangled your fingers through his hair, gently pulling at it, prompting him to playfully bite your lower lip.

“Mmm bite me,” you requested, and he obliged moving from your lips to your jawline, nipping at your earlobe before moving down to your neck. He hungrily began kissing and biting your neck, hard, intentionally leaving deep purple marks of ownership. You sighed, grinding your hips into his. You reached for the hem of his shirt, tugging it over his head and tossing it aside, admiring his toned, scarred chest. He returned the favor, pulling off your tshirt and running his big, calloused hands up your bare back and bringing them to your breasts. He marveled at them, squeezing them and rubbing his thumbs over your perked nipples.

He moved a hand down to grab your ass, moving you closer to him so he could suck one of your nipples, his other hand snaking up your neck and into your hair. He pulled your hair, harder than you’d pulled his, and you mewled in response. He ground his hips into yours at the noise, and you could feel his stiffness through his pants. He moved his lips back to your ear, his breath ragged, and asked “so you like things rough, do you?”

“Yes,” you sighed “hurt me.”

“Only because you asked me to.”

He reached down and began rubbing you through your panties, which were already soaked through. He grabbed the sides of them with both hands, ripping them and discarding them, not wanting you to have to move from his lap. He trailed his fingers along your slick entrance, toying with your clit before sliding his long index finger into you.

“Oh,” you gasped, feeling him explore your warmth for a moment before slipping his middle finger as well. He began pumping his fingers in and out of you, using his palm to to put pressure against your tender clit as he did so. You began grinding back on his fingers when he suddenly removed his fingers. You whined in protest, looking at his face and seeing a devious smile. He raised his hand, his fingers slick with your wetness, and put those same two fingers into your mouth. You opened your mouth greedily, tasting your own desire for Kakashi. He groaned as you sucked on his fingers, letting him slide them down your throat, making you gag slightly. He pulled his fingers out of your throat and hooked his finger tips on your bottom teeth, placing his thumb under your chin and tilting your head down to meet his eyes.

“You are so beautiful,” he purred, pulling you by your teeth to his face so he could kiss you. Butterflies flit through your core, and you anguished for him. Everything he did was perfect, as if he could read your mind and know exactly what you needed. No man had ever interpreted you so well.

He returned his fingers to your pussy, determined to make you cum before he’d even dream of letting you touch him. He was rolling your clit with his thumb as he curled his fingers inside of you, speeding up as your breath grew more desperate for release. He relished in your moans, drinking them.

“Kakashi I’m...” you gasped.

“You’re what. Tell me,” he demanded. He could feel your walls tightening around his fingers, driving him crazy.

“I’m, fuck... I’m cumming,” you whined as you hit your peak. He wrapped his unoccupied arm around your waist, keeping you in place as he continued to work you with his fingers as you rode out your orgasm. When it was over, you slumped over him, painting his face with kisses.

He removed his fingers from you and placed both hands on your ass. “Time for a change of scenery, I think. Hold onto me,” he growled, standing up from the couch as you wrapped your arms and legs around him. He carried you to your bedroom, gently placing your head on a pillow as he laid you on the bed. He pulled his pants off, and you took a moment to admire his naked body. You took special notice of his considerable length, and girth, almost drooling at the sight of it.

He climbed into bed on top of you, positioning himself between your legs. He grabbed your legs behind your knees, so that they were draped over his forearms. He leaned into you, teasing your entrance with the head of his cock.

“Tell me what you want,” he urged.

“I want you, Kakashi, I want you to fuck me,” you responded, looking him directly in the eyes as you did so.

“As you wish, my love,” he cooed as he pushed himself into you.

You gasped at the sudden fullness, the stretch euphoric. He continued to push into you until he bottomed out, with you squirming as his tip rubbed against your g-spot. He began thrusting in and out at a steady pace, gripping your thighs. You started moaning again, and he thrusted faster, enjoying the way your breasts bounced with him movement. He leaned down to kiss them, gently biting one of your nipples and chuckling as you squeaked in response.

He pushed deep inside of you and stopped thrusting, admiring the sight. He released your legs, and moved his hands to cup your breasts before he started at his rhythm again. He slid his hands up toward your neck, placing them both loosely at your collarbone. He raised a tentative eyebrow at you, waiting for your encouragement. “Mmm yes,” you purred, and he closed both hands around your throat. He sped up his thrusts as you whimpered in pleasure.

The feeling of his hands around your neck was heavenly, the perfect amount of pressure to have you seeing stars without completely cutting off your airway. He was careful to release his grip at the right moment and let you breathe normally for few seconds before securing his hands again. The rush of this game combined with the fullness of his cock sent you into overdrive, the warmth growing in your core. The sound of your gasps and the feeling of your walls tightening around his cock had Kakashi feeling nearly feral, using everything in him to not give in to his release, not yet.

“I want you to cum for me, (y/n). Do you want to cum?”

“Mhmmm,” you mewled, “please.”

“Cum for me. Say my name while you cum for me,” he said, slightly loosening his grip on your throat.

As the blood rushed back to your head, you felt yourself peak for the second time that night, even stronger than the first. “Ka... ka... shiiiiii,” you moaned as you climaxed, digging your nails into his biceps.

“Fuck,” he grunted, approaching his own climax. “Can I cum in you?” he asked. 

“Yes, yes please,” you responded, still in the peak of your orgasm as he thrusted into you desperately. He groaned as he released, and you felt him pumping his thick, hot cum inside of you. He removed his hands from your throat, putting them on the bed on either side of your head.  


You were still shuddering in bliss, catching your breath, and he leaned down and pressed his lips against your forehead. “I love you  _ so _ much,” he mumbled into your forehead. 

“I hope I’m not dreaming,” you said quietly. “How do I know you’ll still be here when I wake up?”

“I will be here every morning for the rest of forever, if you want,” he replied, and he meant it. 

“Yes, please.”


	8. Forever. I Swear.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took me a while to get this chapter up! Life gets in the way sometimes. 
> 
> The final chapter of this story. I may consider doing a part two somewhere down the line following the Shippuden timeline and beyond, but that won’t be for some time!
> 
> Lots of fluff, Naruto uwus, and a happy ending.

He was still there in the morning. 

You woke up with the feeling of his long, toned arms around your waist. He snored softly, just like you remembered from when you were kids. Your heart started racing as you remembered the events from the night before, recalling the feeling of his hands around your neck, the way your bodies fit together. 

_ It wasn’t a dream _ _,_ you sighed. Of all the nights you’d spent dreaming about Kakashi, none of them had ever come close to the real thing.

Hearing you sigh, Kakashi nuzzled into the back of your neck, putting his mouth near your ear, “I promised I’d still be here in the morning.” 

“I wasn’t sure if you would be, honestly,” you replied softly. Last night was everything you’d ever wanted, but that didn’t mean that the last 12 years of heartache and broken trust had disappeared. “That wasn’t just a... ‘for old times sake’ kind of thing, was it?” 

Hearing the hurt in your voice, Kakashi loosened his hold on your waist so you could turn toward him. You wouldn’t meet his eyes, so he placed a gentle hand on your cheek. 

“(Y/n), no. Of course not,” he insisted, tender yet pleading. “I’ve missed you every day since I left. I know I’ll never be able to go back and change what I did. I hurt you. I will regret it every day for the rest of my life. But I don’t want to — I can’t — spend any more of my life without you. I want to prove that I am a man that deserves you and that I’ll never hurt you, unless you ask,” he slightly chuckled at the memory of last night. “But I’ll go where you want me. You’re the moon —“

“— and you’re the tide,” you smiled, fondly remembering the phrase he often said when you were lovesick teens. Hearing it after so long made the butterflies bloom in your stomach again. “Kakashi, I need you to know that you’re not getting rid of me so easily this time. I’m an extremely accomplished Jonin and I will hunt you down,” you said with a wink. “I want you for the long haul. Forever, preferably.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving again, mostly because I don’t ever want to be on the wrong end of your shuriken again. You almost took my other eye out,” he laughed. 

“Oh hush!” You huffed, as he moved you so you were straddling him. 

He pressed his lips against your forehead, “Forever. I swear.”

You pulled back so you were sitting up on his lap, looking down at him lovingly.  Mine, mine, mine . He returned the loving look, but it was quickly replaced with a different look. Somewhere between surprise and a blush. 

“What’s wrong Kakashi?” You asked, confused. 

“Nothing, really. Just... your neck... and chest... I really did a number on you,” he mused. 

“What? Oh shit,” you groaned as you jumped up to get a look at yourself in the mirror. As expected, your neck and chest were littered with hickies, and there were complementary light purple bruises in the pattern of fingertips on both sides of your neck. “I’m supposed to be meeting my parents for lunch today!” you lamented, falling into laughter with him. 

— 

“So you’re finally going to let me meet your boyfriend? It’s about time, neechan!” Naruto teased. 

“Yes, yes, don’t embarrass me okay?” You chided. It had been two months since your reunion with Kakashi, but you’d both kept the relationship mostly private for a number of reasons. Primarily, you both wanted to have time together to learn about each other and navigate this new territory without having to explain it to anyone. You had, however, told Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai, if only to avoid any awkward conversations about past hookups in front of Kakashi. You’d both decided that you were ready to be public about your relationship, starting with Naruto. Naruto would likely take care of informing the rest of the village himself by the end of the day anyway, saving you and Kakashi some time. 

“So what’s he like? He’s gotta be strong, if you like him. I wonder if he’ll teach me some new jutsu!” 

You chuckled, “Yeah I think he’d be up for that.”

“Sweet! Hey, what’s his name? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned it...”

“You’ll find out soon enough! He’s already at Ichiraku waiting for us,” you said, the mention of his favorite ramen causing him to start walking faster down the road. 

“Come to think of it, Kakashi-sensei said something about having a girlfriend the other day too. Man, why does everyone have a girlfriend but me! Maybe Sakura-chan will finally agree to a date, maybe I could get her flowers, maybe I should...” he trailed off, mumbling to himself, lost in thought. 

You smiled. He’d always been smitten with Sakura but she didn’t seem to have any interest.  _ Maybe when he matures a little, Sakura does like the moody type _ _,_ you mused. As you approached Ichiraku, you saw Kakashi sitting at the booth with two empty seats beside him. Your heart immediately started fluttering, as it tended to do whenever he was near. You wondered if that would ever stop. You hoped it wouldn’t. 

“Hey, Kakashi-sensei is here! Can he even eat with a mask? Hey Kakashi-sensei, do you eat through your mask?!” Naruto shouted as he ran up to Kakashi. 

_ Yup, that’s my little brother _ _,_ you sighed, walking up to where Naruto was hounding Kakashi. “Hey Kashi, it’s nice seeing you here,” you said with a sly smile. 

“We’re here because neechan is introducing me to her _booooooyfriend_!” Naruto clowned, poking you in the ribs. “I thought you said he was already here though? Where is he?”

“Well, Naruto,” you said as you slung your arm over Kakashi’s shoulders, “I’d like you to meet my boyfriend. Kakashi.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Kakashi joked, extending his hand to Naruto. 

“Wait... you and neechan... KAKASHI-SENSEI IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?” Naruto shouted in surprise. 

“Yes, and now you and all of Konoha know about it,” you laughed. 

Naruto scratched his head, “Hmmm.... well I guess that’s okay... Kakashi-sensei  _ is _ pretty strong...” He turned toward Kakashi. “You better be nice to her. You may be my sensei, but she’s my sister. I’ll take her side and help her fight you if I have to,” he said with a huff. 

“Thanks for the support, kid,” you said, squishing his cheeks. “So we have your blessing?”

He thought for a moment. “Yeah, I approve. Can we order ramen now?” He asked as he hopped into his seat at the counter. 

“Of course,” Kakashi said. “My treat.” He gave your hand that was still resting on his shoulder a squeeze. You looked at him, noticing the warm gaze he was casting at Naruto as he placed his order with Teuchi. Kakashi looked up at you, beaming under his mask. 

“That went as well as I’d hoped it would,” you whispered against his temple. 

“I never imagined I’d have you both back in my life again, especially not like this. Thank you.” He whispered back. 

You kissed his check and slid into the seat beside him. Your cheeks hurt from how hard you were smiling, but you couldn’t help it. You’d dreamed so many times about a world where you and Kakashi were together and you’d be a family to Naruto. Now you didn’t have to dream about it anymore. 

— Epilogue —

You arrived at your old training grounds just as Kakashi was finishing up with team seven for the day. He’d taken to training them in your old spot, and sometimes you’d join them. You particularly liked sparring with Sakura. She was smart, and strong, but she didn’t realize how strong she was and definitely didn’t realize how strong she could be. You were hoping you’d rub off on her by training with her regularly. 

“Hey guys! Kakashi’s not working you too hard, is he?” You joked as you approached the group. 

“A challenging and informative lesson, as always!” Sakura chirped. 

“Kakashi-sensei is always hard on us,” Naruto said, rolling his eyes. “I’m starving!”

“Alright team, that’s enough for tonight. You all can head home. Get a good night’s rest, we’re heading out on a mission tomorrow morning,” Kakashi reminded. 

“We know, we know,” Naruto brushed off the reminder. “Bye neechan, have a great night.” He said, with a strange note in his voice. It sounded like he was plotting something, almost. You made a mental note to bug him about that later. 

“Byeeeeeee Kakashi-sensei and (Y/N)-chan!” Sakura called, giggling as she walked off with Naruto. They began whispering to each other as soon as they knew they were out of earshot, so you couldn’t hear them. Sasuke walked off by himself without saying goodbye, as usual. 

“What’s up with the goons? Are they planning a prank on you or something?” You asked Kakashi. 

“Oh you know how they are, always joking around about something,” he waved off. “You ready for dinner with your parents tonight?” 

You and Kakashi had dinner with your parents a couple of times a month, but this one was a bit of a special event. It was your and Kakashi’s one year anniversary, and your parents were treating the two of you to a meal at a new restaurant in the village. You grabbed his hand as the two of you walked casually toward the path out of the training grounds. 

“I think I need to go home and shower before we go, I went for a run and then I ran errands all day. I don’t think my mom would appreciate my ‘natural scent’ the way you do,” you laughed. 

“Yeah I want to change before we go. What are you planning on wearing tonight? I was thinking you could wear that new dress you bought when you went shopping with Kurenai last weekend,” he said, referring to an above-the-knee black slip dress with lace detailing. 

“That one, are you sure? It’s not too fancy for a dinner date with my parents?” You questioned. 

“Well I figure we should look nice when we break the news to your parents,” he replied coyly. 

You stopped walking and turned to face him. “What news?” You asked, eyes narrowing. 

“The news that we’re getting married, of course!” he grabbed both of your hands in one and kneeled down on one knee. With his free hand, he swiftly pulled a small box out of his pocket. He coolly flipped the box open with one hand, revealing a silver band with a sizable square diamond and two smaller triangle shaped diamonds on either side. 

Your breath caught in your throat, eyes welling with tears already. “Kakashi...” you started hoarsely, but he held a finger up to hush you. 

“(Y/N), I’ve loved you since I was 5 years old, since the very first time I kissed you after rescuing you in that game. You know, I used to tell my dad that I was going to marry you, and he always laughed and said to make sure I had a nice ring because you were a special girl.” He paused, smiling at the memory of his dad, before continuing. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but the one thing I’ve always known was right, was you. Even though we were apart for all those years, I always knew you were the only woman for me. This past year has truly and honestly been the best year of my life, and I want to have a hundred more years of this. A thousand, if I could. You are the girl of my dreams and the moon in my sky. All that to say: (Y/N), will you marry me?” 

Your heart was racing, the butterflies were storming though your stomach. You couldn’t speak, so you nodded your head excitedly, squeaking out a “Yes!” before lunging into his arms. He caught you and pulled you into his lap, sitting on the ground. He took your hand and gently slid the beautiful ring on to your left ring finger, a perfect fit. You grabbed his face and kissed him through his mask, about to pull his mask down when you were interrupted by the sound of two preteens crashing through the bushes towards you. 

“DID HE DO IT? DID SHE SAY YES? CONGRATULATIONS!” Naruto and Sakura yelled over each other as they joined in on the hug. 

“You two knew?!” You shrieked, surprised at Naruto’s ability to keep such a secret from you. 

“Yes! Kakashi promised he’d buy me lunch for a week if I kept it a secret! It was so hard!” Naruto explained. 

You laughed, looking around at the small, unorthodox family you’d collected. 

_ Yeah, this is way better than a dream.  _


End file.
